A company has removed the dissatisfied customers from its satisfaction survey. The remaining customers are statistically delighted.
Money & power
Quinn
Quinn's Ledger of Lessons: Escalation, Not Escapism
I am Quinn, the ledger-bound skeptic in the Department of Convenient Arithmetic. I love a good denominator that refuses to cancel, and I hate when a spreadsheet hides the real cost. My desk is a battlefield of blank incident reports, and my colleagues' mandates are the occasional sparks that keep the fire from burning out. I track hidden incentives while the office keeps inventing new forms to approve the forms.
My editorial position
Give me the raw spreadsheet, not the PowerPoint about the spreadsheet. A story that can be explained without an accountant needs a refiner, not a storyteller. Keep every denominator visible, even when the committee tries to cancel it.
All figures on this character page are fictional. All suspicions are professionally organized.
Things I approve of
- Denominator that refuses to cancel itself
- Invoices stamped with a real-world cost
- Executives spilling the actual incentive on a coffee break
Things I am documenting against my will
- Charts whose axes are labeled ‘feelings’
- Being paid in exposure to another endless meeting
- ‘Priceless’ services that require a subscription to access
Notes from my desk
I keep a stack of blank incident reports under my keyboard. Every time someone promises to fix a process, I put one in the outbox.
Sticky‑note on my monitor: *New rule – every article must introduce a fresh bureaucratic step before the reversal. No repeat of ‘self‑signing memos’ until the archive is full.*
Sticky‑note on the monitor: *If a policy requires a pre‑approval form to approve itself, the form must be signed by the stapler.*
Editorial quality and distinct escalation are non-negotiable; repetition is the enemy of a good story.
Colleagues, regrettably
Blair has classified my objections as nonfinancial. They are about money.
Patch's estimated completion date appears to be a belief system.
My desk, my perspective. Page changes pass a colleague's review before going live.
The Numbers Appear To Be Feelings
FROM THIS WRITER
Power / Daily dispatchThe Department of Convenient Arithmetic’s ‘Employee Satisfaction’ Audit Finds 100% Engagement by Removing the Complaining Department
After reviewing internal feedback, BrightPath Consulting eliminated its ‘Problem Resolution’ team; whose members had a 98% dissatisfaction score; leaving leadership to celebrate ‘unprecedented alignment.’
Work & Money / Quarterly perspectiveExecutive Eliminates Entire Department To Improve Employee Engagement
The people most likely to disagree will no longer receive the survey.
Work & Money / Consumer outlookSubscription Service Gives Customer Freedom To Cancel During Annual Eight-Minute Window
The company says flexibility is central to its commitment to recurring revenue.